Joe Biden Handpicked to Lead Global Movement Promoting Consent

**SATIRE**

Right-wing internet trolls love to post pictures of Ex-VP, Joe Biden, in positions where he displays his tactile, sensitive side. In a Trumpian world brimming with odium, we need a little love. Biden has risen to the challenge of counterbalancing the hate radiating from Russian trolls online and the crescent white nationalist movement cultivated in flyover America. Kids, today, are increasingly disaffected and bereft of human contact. Biden swoops in to act as an emotional surrogate for the society which has let down so many children. Trump’s divisiveness has inflated a vacuum that can only be filled by human contact—here comes uncle Joe to the rescue.



Lady Gaga will team up with Biden to give a PSA on consent. Biden has previously condemned the rape culture pervading white societies, rendering millions of women defenseless to the gnashing advances of sexually frustrated straight white Male incels. Maybe, if incels only abandoned their seething resentment towards a vibrant, bustling, and more inclusive society, they’d find belonging—except if they’re straight, white, and male. Now Biden will cavalierly lead the charge against rape culture and replace it with one geared towards instilling consent including: pre-intercourse consent forms, asking for verbal consent a minimum of once every 5 minutes during coitus, and a possibility to revoke consent, a posteriori.

Some have criticized these measures as “draconian”, others have celebrated them as “long overdue”. Imposing a complete culture of consent will also partially dismantle White institutions: by ridding them of sexual dominance over women—especially over women of color.

In 2019, we simply cannot accept rampant unsolicited touching and grabbing. Biden has masterfully perfected his craft of employing just the right amount of touch and love, synergistically playing off the welcoming expressions of the recipient.

I mean, why not? Eternal underdog, Saudi Arabia, was recently praised by the UN for empowering women. I think these countries berated by bigots deserve our understanding; they only do things a little different to us.

Some call Biden creepy, I call him majestic.

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About Orwell Goode

Orwell & Goode (a pun for “all well and good”) is a Youtuber, blogger, and an economics masters degree student. His main interests lie in documenting the decline of the Western world and identifying economic policies which may shape society for better or worse. He is the host of the “All Well and Good Show” and the co-host of news round-up “Waking Up The West” on YouTube.
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Orwell Goode
Orwell & Goode (a pun for “all well and good”) is a Youtuber, blogger, and an economics masters degree student. His main interests lie in documenting the decline of the Western world and identifying economic policies which may shape society for better or worse. He is the host of the “All Well and Good Show” and the co-host of news round-up “Waking Up The West” on YouTube.