Ah, Hillary Clinton. The people’s Princess. True American patriot. Madame
Hillary Clinton is a hero, there’s no doubt about that. But have you ever
considered how she would compare against Mother Teresa? Saint pitted against
Saint? A boss battle between two of mankind’s greatest icons? Well, look no
further, for we have helpfully compiled 5 reasons as to why, yes, Hillary Clinton
is a better person than Mother Teresa.
1. A shrewd businesswoman
Hillary knows good business, she’s been in the game for years. So when Harvey
Weinstein donated $250K to the Clinton Foundation, she and Bill knew to wisely
invest the money immediately. So much so that reportedly, in light of Harvey’s
sexual assault claims, the Clinton Foundation will not be returning any of the
donation as they’ve already spent it on worthy causes. Life moves fast, and
Hillary has no time to waste with these petty complications. Mother Teresa, on
the other hand, never received one cent from Harvey Weinstein. Some
businesswoman she is!
Hillary is a fantastic feminist. She is entirely about empowering women. Such is
the extent her own campaign slogan was ‘I’m With Her’ to serve as a constant
reminder that, yes, Hillary is a woman.
Hillary was due to be interviewed on Woman’s Hour, a radio show on BBC4 in
the UK, but unfortunately, couldn’t make it. Our sources can exclusively tell us at
NMC that Hillary missed her interview due to shutting down Leicester Square
tube station to tell every man personally that she, Hillary Clinton, is a woman.
Wow. Simply inspirational. Patriarchy who?
Mother Teresa, in comparison, probably never even read The Vagina
Monologues. Hillary – 2. Mother Teresa – 0.
3. Technologically adept
This one is self-explanatory. Hillary is great with technology, efficient with
private email servers, though she loses a point on emptying her ‘trash’ folder
thoroughly. Yet she’s still miles ahead of Mother Teresa, who never even had a
Gmail account. Take that Teresa!
4. She’s an actual mother
We see you, ‘Mother’ Teresa. We see right through you.
5. She is God’s chosen one
Hillary’s pastor recently compared Hillary’s loss to Trump as ‘Jesus’s crucifixion’.
Reverend Bill Shillady emailed Clinton the day after the election to say that her
‘Sunday is coming, but it might well be hell for a while’ which is a reference to
Good Friday, when Jesus was unfairly sacrificed for humanity’s sins.
A reverend is a personal messenger of God’s. There is no higher authority than
the big guy him/her/xirself. Therefore, we can deduce that God chose Hillary to
be Jesus The Second. The second coming of Christ.
Was Mother Teresa ever crucified?
Yeah, that’s what we thought.
By @AlizeeYeezy, NMC’s very own satirical article-writing specialist.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4982956/Clinton- Foundation-won- t-
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/hillary-clinton- very-apologetic- after-
http://www.newsweek.com/hillary-clinton- good-friday- devotional-649770
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